


a fic where the captain and humphrey kiss

by thehappybones



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, i dont know what to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehappybones/pseuds/thehappybones
Summary: in character dialogue is for cowards
Relationships: Humphrey's Head/The Captain, Pat Butcher/The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	a fic where the captain and humphrey kiss

Retreating to his room, the Captain felt a thump against his foot and looked down at Humphrey.

“Oh, Lord,” he muttered.

“Watch your step there,” Humphrey replied.

“How did you even get into my room?”

“Oh, well, you know how it is.”

The Captain did not. He quickly picked him up and went to dump him on the floor outside before Humphrey asked him a question, and he froze. 

“How’d your date go?”

He squeaked. “My date? The bloody hell are you on about?”

“Well, you and Pat were talking privately a lot recently, then all today you were jumpy, and then you and Pat disappeared into the grounds for two hours, and at a certain point-”

The Captain sat down on his bed, lowering his hands and letting the back of Humphrey’s head strike his knees rather sharply. He ignored the ow. “Well, don’t tell the others, will you?”

Humphrey’s lip twitched in what the Captain assumed was the head equivalent of a shrug. “Doesn’t matter any to me. Trying to make conversation is all.”

He frowned. “Fine, I suppose. We had a nice walk through the grounds and talked.” His jaw was rock solid tense. Humphrey cocked his brow. “He, um, tried to kiss me at the end and… I didn’t let him, and it was a touch awkward, and I feel bad. Happy?”

“Perfectly reasonable. It’s a first date, you’ve got different boundaries."

“Yes, but… I’m not exactly experienced in that department.”

He scoffed. “I’m sure Patrick knows you’ve never kissed a man.”

The Captain bit his lip and looked at the floor.

“Anyone? Weren’t you, like, fifty?”

“I never got the opportunity! Boy’s schools my whole life, until I went into the military, spent the next few decades surrounded by men. Didn’t have the drive to sneak out to meet girls either, obviously.”

Humphrey chuckled. “Don’t blame you for never realizing, then. Never had anything to compare men to. My family, didn’t matter who you were into. Best to repress everything, else you’d break your own heart. Lot freer, being dead. Mentally, at least.”

“Ought I kiss him next time, though? I’m afraid I’ll mess it up somehow.”

“Could get a bit of practice in.”

He paused. Thought for a moment. Looked down at the head between his hands. “Oh dear,” he mumbled.

“Well, it’s about all I’m good for, isn’t it?”

The Captain blinked at him.

“I swing that way myself, you know. Or you would, if anyone ever bothered to talk to me. I dated Henry, the horse trainer lad two centuries back, for a full decade without anyone noticing.”

He considered. “Well, Patrick would probably-”

“Mate, you’ve been on one walk together. Not exactly exclusivity, is it?”

He grimaced and huffed. “Hm. Right. So I just-” He flubbered, twitching and contorting his face trying to figure out the right angle, direction- the movies seemed to do it a bit sideways, didn’t they? He licked his lips, regretted it, and then awkwardly pulled Humphrey’s lips in against his. The Captain pulled back again. “Right.”

“How was it?”

“Felt like putting my lips on someone else’s lips. Not sure what I was expecting.”

“If there’s one thing I learned from life, it’s that it’s not that exciting when you don’t really like someone. Now go get him, tiger!”

With that, Humphrey was quickly escorted from the room.


End file.
